do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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