Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
