what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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