Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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