ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
