do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
