maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
