East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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