May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
