Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
