i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
