I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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