The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
