question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
