I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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