omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Randomize
