it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
