Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
