remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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