UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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