So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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