Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
