You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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