I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
