Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
