just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
