I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
