oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Soap is not a condiment
Non-Jews are for practice
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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