i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
