You just made me feel so damn special
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
