i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
