singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
