when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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