i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
