Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
