I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
