3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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