I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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