Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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