I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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