I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
