Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
