Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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