I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
do nipples grow back?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
