i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
