well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Im part way to drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
