am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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