Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
