She said her name was "party"
We named our party play list daddy issues
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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