He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
