so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
