If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
