She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
