In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
