Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
