you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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