Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
