sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
