I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
