things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
