i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
