what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
