I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
