I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
